Para sa mga taong hindi busy at pwedeng magbasa

11:02 as I write this on paper.. Gabi na.. Nagbabasa lang talaga sana ako ng messages sa cellphone ko. Nagbuura ng mga di ko na kailangan nang mabasa ko yung message ng classmate/friend kong si Kharen nung birthday ko.. " Maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for someone to come along and fix what's wrong. Maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that no one else has the answer. Maybe sometimes you just have to be YOUR OWN HERO. " 12:31am June 5, 2010. Ayun. Napaisip tuloy ako bigla.. All these years parang cycle rin lang ang nangyayari. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not growing, or rather, not getting anything from what ever that has happened to me. Nandito pa din. Same problems. With the same kind of people. No PROPER solutions. :( And I keep on SEARCHING. I dont even know quite exactly what it is that I am searching for. Honestly, gulong gulo na ako. UNA, wala na akong ibang ginawa kung di ang malulon sa trabaho. Pinipilit magpaka-busy, dina-divert ang attention sa mga bagay na pwedeng pagka-abalahan. PANGALAWA, eto pa din NAGHIHINTAY sa isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung ano. Yung tipong nangangapa sa dilim na hindi alam ano nga bang hinahanap. PANGATLO, bothered na ako dahil hindi man lang ako makapagsulat ng matino. Parang nawala lahat ng salita sa utak ko. Tapos yung feeling na "I keep dwelling on the past events of my life that it becomes hard for me to cope with my present.." Kulang ba ako sa inspirasyon? LOL. Ang daming damdaming gustong kumawala ngunit hindi ko mailabas ng maayos. Masakit. Mukhang nakalimutan ko na nga rin pano ba maging MASAYA. MASAYA ba talaga ako? Ano nga ba ang batayan ng pagiging masaya? ito ba ay ang maranasan ko ang mga bagay na gusto ko? Marahil ay ang makasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko? o ang simpleng pagaliw ko sa aking sarili. MAdalas ay kinakanlungan ako ng musika. Hinahayaan nitong mapanatag ang aking kalooban. It makes my soul wander... it eases the tension and its pain. Ngunit saan nga ba nanggagaling ang sakit na nararamdaman ko? Did I bring it upon myself? Did I allow myself to feel the pain or is it self inflicted? Ang sarap tumakas.. lumayo sa mga bagay na maaaring makasakit sa skin. Pero kapag ginawa ko yun walang matitira sa akin. Nothing but emptiness. Yung bagay na pinakakinatatakutan ko ay ang mismong bagay na kinahaharap ko ngayon... At ito ay ang maiwang mag-isa. I've always been scared to be alone. ALWAYS. Sa lahat ng aspeto. ngunit parang mas lalo pa akong naiiwan. Feeling ko talaga ang laki ng mali sa pagkatao ko. HAHAHA. Parang lagi na lang kasi galit o asar o inis sa akin yung mga nakakasalamuha ko. Ang hirap HUMINGA. I always have to watch my every move, every word I speak, I always have to be on guard. Ang hirap ng ganun. minsan kasi lumalabas, scripted... Kanina habang pauwi ako may nakapagtanong sa akin kung may BARKADA daw ba ako, PEER or GROUP na I belong in sa classroom. Nalungkot at natawa ako. UNA dahil wala naman akong ganun ngayon, nung high school sana oo. kaso syempre medyo malayo nga kami sa isa't isa ngayon. PANGALAWA dahil alam kong halatang wala... Sinabi ko sa kanya ang totoo. Wala at PANGARAP ko talagang magkaroon ng ganun. Yung "Grupo" na masasabi kong parte talaga ako. :) Nagulat pa nga siya eh. Pano na lang daw kapag break time, sino daw usually kasama ko kumain.. Oh kaya kapag uwian naman, sino yung parang permanente kong kasabay... Madalas nga kung sumayad sa isip ko yung kung sino ang pwede kong sabayan.. Minsan bago pa lang magbreak iniisip ko na sino at saan ako sasama o pupunta mamaya... Mas madalas na wala at ako'y kumakain lang ng mag-isa sa sulok. Wala rin namang nakakapansin nun eh. Busy silang lahat eh. Pag-uwian naman madalas talaga mag-isa ako. Ganto kasi, SANAYAN lang yan. At sa kinatagalan na na ganun ang eksena sa buhay ko, malamang sa malamang SANAY na SANAY na ako di ba? PERO, hindi ibig sabihin nun na immune na ako sa sakit na dulot nun. Di ba nga, takot ako... duwag ako maging mag-isa... Naalalako nga, may tampo ako sa mga teacher at professors ko kapag alphabetical lagi ang arrangement ng seats. Eh pano, ako na naman ang nasa duo. For sure wala na naman akong kausap dun. Madalas kasing nakatalikod sa akin ung mga katabi ko. Swerte ko kapag lilingon yan o maaalala man lang ipasa sa akin yung attendance sheet. Kung tutuusin lagi nilang iniisipa ng tapang tapang ko. na kesyo malakas at matibay na daw ako dahil sa dinami-daming masasakit na pangyayari sa buhay ng isang tao ang mga naranasan ko na. As usual, mali sila. A WOUND THAT IS REPEATEDLY WOUNDED NEVER HEALS. Time check muna, 11:49pm. Ngayon ko alng ulit hinayaan ang sarili kong magsulat, nakakapanibago yung mga daliri ko sa kamay, nangangalay agad. Halata na kulang sa practice. HAHAHA. Yan tapos na yung kapatid ko magcomputer. Kaya eto natatype ko na itong note na ito... GUSTO KO NA MAGKA-LAPTOP... Time check ulit. 12:31am. Itutuloy ko na muna litanya ko. tipong closing remarks muna... hatiin natin.. tutal parang ako lang din naman makakabasa neto. :D Sa dami ng kinahaharap ko ngayon, masaya sana kung may mag-iinspire man lang sa akin.. BORED na BORED na ako. kahit super busy ko na, nararamdaman ko pa din talaga yung BOREDOM. :( Hindi na exciting yung buhay ko ngayon. wala nang thrill. mga 17 na beses na ding paulit-ulit sa ulo ko yung BUONG kanta ni Nina yung SOMEDAY. kasi yun lang yung kantang nilagay ko sa media player. Nakakatuwa kasi eh. nakarelate ako sa kanya. parang may something.. Siguro ngayon, ang sarap ma-in love. haha. ZERO BALANCE na kasi yung SOCIAL LIFE ko eh. Hayyy. Pero this time, sana pagna-in love ako muli, pati siya ganun na rin ang feelings para skin. :) para fair naman kahit pano.. :) Tsaka bonus na din kung pareho sila ng abs ni JESUS CHRIST. :) oh siya, a penny for your thoughts. its a democratic country.. Pwede naman kayong magreact. kaso tandaan, lahat ng nakasulat dito kathang isip lamang. JOKE, I mean lahat ng nakasulat dito OPINION KO. So kung magrereact kayo, Okay lang talaga kasi OPINION niyo din yun. :) Sana after ko 'to mapost makatulog ako. hahaha. hindi pa din ako inaantok eh. may church pa naman bukas. ERRR. >:D GOOD mornNAYT PEOPLE. <3 Kate has always been Kate. If you hate her, You'd never bother understanding why she is Kate. Minsan may sense din ako, kailangan mo lang makinig para malaman mo. :) NOTE: Naalala ko na naman.. Frustrated musician nga pala ako... at ngayon, pati writer ata. haha.

Celebration of my Big Brother's 23th BEERday.

Well, me and my Onii-chan is not really that close. :D Ever since I was born, and as I grew up, we always managed to irritate each other. But as we grew older, living with each other is not that hard after all. I feel happy when I've with him. He made my birthday this year special, so I hope I could do something for him too. :) So I'm cooking the food he would be serving to his friends. LOL. his girlfriend is here too. :) Hm. here's a photo of me and my brother. :) - kate RED star

Happy BEERday Ate Katherine. :)

Funny. It's as if I'm calling myself. :) Just wanna greet someone special. HAPPY BiRTHDAY ATE KATHERINE. Kat H plus Kat E equals KATherine love yah ate. mwa.

S U M M A R Y .

It was fun. HAHA. I've posted as many as I could. :D and I'll be posting more. :) I'll just be storing these stories for safe keeping. :) To anyone who may get the chance to read these, I hope you'll like it. and please leave REVIEWS or COMMENTS. xoxo - kate RED star

Rain

Rain… can't explain why every droplet that comes from heaven makes me soaking wet. Water goes up to the clouds and when it's heavy it pours… come to think of it, do people evaporate as well?

Disclaimer: I write fan fictions because I don't own anything yet.

Author's Notes: it's raining hard here in Metro Manila… Signal No. 3 by the typhoon Milenyo… (It's a Thursday –Sept. 28, '06- as I write this on paper. My pc shutdown… brownout…) probably no classes –yehey!- Gosh I left all my notes in my locker! Good thing I left my English book here at home… Yikes! The roof is nearly flying it's so rainy and windy…Free hugs…

Question: How does one deal with rain?

Rain

By: caiyt

The rain started washing away the dirt from my window pane. From inside I tried to count each drop I could see vividly. I touched the cold mirror of my window. It was dark outside. I wiped the dew to see the surroundings clearly. It was one in the afternoon yet the sky was dark and the clouds look heavier than usual. I heard a knock on my door. I wonder who it could be.

Knock! Knock!

"Mikan?" the voice cried.

"Yes? Who is it?" I answered.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I opened the door to reveal a wet Natsume in front of me.

"What the? You're wet! Come!" I ran to my bathroom and grabbed the towel hanging in the chair.

Idiot! Why are you wet! Argh! What did you do? Argh…

"Mikan…" he moaned.

"Yes? I'm here don't worry I always be here. Hush…" I comforted him.

He was freezing cold and I could see he's hand go numb. Natsume what the heck did you do now?

(A/n: waa. I'm wet! Argh darn you rain! Shoo!)

"Mikan…" he cried out 'again'.

"Natsume I'm right here!" I reached out for his hand.

It was cold, really cold.

"I'm freezing." He murmured.

Can't he create fire? Darn it, it's because of that darn mission!

"I have to do something." I whispered.

Human blanket… I learned it in my Science class before. It's the process of transferring body heat…

'Should I do it?'

I brought him to my bed and tuck him in. But it was not enough, he was still freezing.

'I have to…'

I removed slightly the blanket I used to make him warm. I slid gently my warm body and opened my hands 'I have to do this, for Natsume.'

"Mikan?" he whispered.

I felt his body melt a little his warm aura came back slightly. I saw his eyes, they were blazing again. His nose twitched, I giggled at this. He looked at me.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked.

"Your nose just twitched and you looked funny. Anyway, are you alright?" I asked as I helped myself to stand.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the bed. The rain poured even harder. I could hear the splashing outside. The rolling of thunder as if everything was scripted…

"Could you hug me again?" he whispered as he bit my right ear.

"Nat-su-me… What's happening to you? I thought something bad already happened it was so real…" I managed to say.

Is he just playing with me? Did the rain get to his brain? What's going on?

"No… Nothing, I just missed you…" he told me.

"So what was that all about? It was so real." I was really confused.

"It's real. You just made me warmer… warmer than the fire I could give off." He was so gentle, so real yet so cunning.

The rain made him come closer, closer to my warm body… and caress…

Author's End Notes: Hayy. This is the main reason why I hate rainy seasons; it gives me time to reminisce things I have longed to forget. And not to mention the fact that I am longing for any warmth any person could offer.

--
kate red star

When You Feel the Eerie Feeling of Love

Boys, Girls, Ladies, Lads, Women, Men, -gays… -lesbians…. And all other sexes.. hehe Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice… and if this story is not nice or insulting to other people specially to the author please just send me a mail or react through reviews… Author's Notes: I finally decided to write this cause I had certain inspirations.. hehe I saw my 'friend' hehe who is somewhat one of the unknown sexes hehe or as I refer to as 'UNDEFINED' hehe…. ---- DREAM SEQENCE: (Ruka) "No please don't come anymore closer…" -moans- "Please stop, Natsume… don't…" -ahhh-(soft yells) "Stop you're yapping I know you want it too.." -crawls slowly towards Ruka- "But Natsume…?" -he covers his body with the blanket- "What…" -Natsume feels something dripping..- "I can't really do this.." -Ruka shakes his head- "Why not? It's delicious…" -he giggles- "It's also sweet" -he continues to pursue Ruka- "I don't really think so…" -Ruka was thinking twice…- "RUKA!" -Natsume growls- END OF DREAM Ruka was awakened by Natsume's tugging. "Wha-what?" he shook his head. Natsume looked at him firmly… "You were saying so many foolish stuff!" Ruka remembered his dream. 'Shoot!" "What was I sa-saying?" he stuttered. "Something about sweet and delicious. Ruka gasped at what Natsume said. "…I was just offering you this…" Natsume continued as he crept to Ruka's side. 'No please am I still dreaming?' Ruka thought as he closed his eyes. "Why are you looking like that? I was just gonna offer you a, CAKE!" Natsume yelled. He threw the cake and leaped outside the window. "CAKE?" Ruka yelled at the top of his voice. Author's Notes: wahahahah I'm so I don't know what today…ehehe hope I tickled you're funny bone a bit… hehe --- kate RED star

Death

Everybody dies… No one in this world is not suggested to die… But some die even though their time has not yet arrived… And others die because they sacrifice their lives for the sake of other people… Death should not be feared, but, to tell you frankly… I'm afraid to die… so afraid…

Disclaimer: Haguchi Tachibana is the only owner of Gakuen Alice…!

Author's Notes: Darn it! I hate drama! But I'm really in the verge of tears! Dammit! It's all his fault, that for nothing son of a… Argh! Onii-chan please help me! You can just kill him for all I care! This fic I think has no pairing… They are mourning for a friend's death… Ruka's death in the hands of the living devil, Persona. –one shot-

"I'm gonna kill him!" Natsume swore to the corpse in front of him.

"Don't you get it Natsume?" Mikan who was crying beside the body said.

Ruka died just averagely 10 minutes ago. He suffered severe wounds, his left leg dissolved; his face was still drowning with blood, barely fresh blood. It was so unbearable. You couldn't tell who he was. He died in the hands of a violent man, considered to be ruthless, the truly despicable, Persona.

"What do you want me to say?" he took a step forward and clenched his fist. "Thank you, Persona for murdering my best friend in front of my eyes?" he accused Mikan.

Yuu rushed to Mikan's side.

"What the heck are you saying?" Mikan stood up and jerked Yuu.

"You're not the only one who wants to avenge his death!" she pushed Natsume's right shoulder. "You're not his only friend! Hotaru, did you think about what she should've felt? You selfish moron!" Mikan cried more.

Hotaru smirked with what Mikan said. But in the corner of her cold gray eyes, tears were being prevented to fall down over he now ever so pale cheeks.

"Mikan stop it already…" Yuu tried pulling her away from Natsume.

"Don't stop me Yuu, he has to know what kind of bastard he is!" Mikan turned to Yuu.

"Natsume, listen to me, Youichi… he's badly injured, so is Narumi-sensei and Misaki-sensei…Even Tsubasa is hurt! You know why? It's because they didn't want Persona to get you! They're, no, we all protected you!" Mikan cried harder.

She wiped her tears slowly and looked at Natsume.

"Even Ruka, he did everything to prevent him form getting you… again" and with that she ran away from everyone.

She bumped into Mr. Narumi and there she cried harder…

Hotaru embraced the white blanket before she covered the now colder corpse of Ruka. She can't stand just the look of it. She can't imagine not being able to protect him at that time. She felt so guilty in the sense that it felt like it was her own fault he died.

"If only I was able to stop him… I might still have him by now…" she whispered.

She cried quietly and blamed herself with all the misery Ruka felt. Natsume clenched his fist once more and took an aim at the rusty gate of the Alice Dungeon.

"Take him outside, I myself will cremate his body." He said.

"Do you know why Mikan said all of those stuff?" Hotaru stated as cold as ever.

She looked at Natsume sharply as if blaming him for all the terrible things that are occurring at that moment. Natsume didn't speak and he stared at her thinking of what she meant. He gasped.

'Don't tell me she's going to… No!' he thought.

Hotaru seemed to have awakened his senses of what her desperate friend might do. And she nodded. "Yes she is…"

Natsume ran out of the dungeon and yelled.

"Take care of Ruka for me…"

He rushed towards the tree. He knew she's gonna be there. He bumped into Kokoroyomi on the way.

"She's still there, Narumi is with her, hurry 'he's' coming for her."

Kokoroyomi ran towards the path Natsume came from. He needs to save the others before 'he' might get them. Natsume rushed to the Sakura tree. He saw Narumi protecting Mikan cause Persona was there.

"I promised Misaki that I won't ever use his vines but… now here's an exception." Natsume heard Narumi speak.

'I am no longer afraid to die…' he thought. 'Not anymore!'

He ran and cast a big ball of fire towards Persona.

Upon seeing the fireball he made his way to escape it not knowing that Tsubasa was at his back ready to capture his shadow and he did capture Persona's shadow and with another blow from Natsume, he burned the killer of his friend saying…

"Death is knocking at your door… I have opened it for you… Ruka you've been avenged…"

---

HAHA. I can't believe I wrote this.. hm. Maybe out of boredom. :D my head really has words backward. :D bare with me people.

kate RED star